I've been fighting a cold for a week. It started last weekend and at that time, I slept alot, I babied myself, and Dave spoiled me. I thought I was over it and carried on throughout the work week, pretending that the congestion and sneezing and coughing were just leftovers of what I'd experienced on the weekend, but, this morning, I conceded and admitted defeat. I called in sick.
So now I'm home. Alone. All day. By myself. It's been a very long time since this has happened. I had to drink two or three cups of coffee to get things opened up in order to breathe fairly normally, drank a daytime theraflu, and after all that, laying around was just no longer possible. I decided to clean out the closet which is directly across the hall from the bathroom, which is why we call it "the bathroom closet".
Let me back up and say that one of my gifts (some who have lived with me or work with me might call it a curse) is that I have an analytic mind which is capable of extreme micro-organization - to the point some think I should perhaps consider a twelve-step program.
I know not everyone has this issue and one of the things I learned when the kids were in the house was that if I didn't 'let that go', I'd be one nasty cranky mama who was always harping at her teenagers. Just because I like to have the linen dish towels in one stack and the terry dish towels in another stack and I prefer those two stacks are separate from the older and more worn dish towels which are reserved to dry the pots and pans with until they've worn to the point they're ready for the rag bin, doesn't mean that everyone has to live the same way.
Anyway, I sorted and and tossed and organized and once the 'bathroom closet' was in order, I decided I'd just go ahead and go through the linen closet at the end of the hall. From there, it seemed a natural progression to take everything out of the TV unit that Dave built last summer and wipe everything down, then, to the computer desk and well............you get the idea.
I'm home today to take care of myself, but I have to say, I'm feeling better for having taken time to give a bit of attention to our home. Doing so makes me feel more connected to the space. When I've organized it and cleaned it and even when I'm decorating with something as simple as flowers from the grocery store, there becomes a purpose for this space and that purpose, in the end, is peace which results in a richer life.
And now that I've created some peace through organization, I've still got a stuffed up head. I believe it's time for another theraflu, an episode of Barefoot Contessa, and I'm sure a nap wouldn't hurt anything either.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Seasons
I'm watching the news from Seattle right now, their main stories revolving around the snow that has fallen over most of Western Washington and how it's affecting the metro area - - I'm trying to tell myself I should be thankful that we didn't get any of it and have to deal with the bad roads and slippery sidewalks that they're contending with, but in all honesty, I'm really really really disappointed we didn't get any snow. Not just with this storm, but basically, all winter long. We had a pretty snow on Thanksgiving and that was it.
Don't get me wrong, I LOVE living in Whatcom County. It's a beautiful place to live - if we feel like a day hike in the mountains, it's 45 minutes to an hour to get up to Mt. Baker. If we want the water, the sound is 10 to 15 minutes away and then we're paddling our kayaks off Gooseberry Point or Semihamoo. We live in a nice sized town (Ferndale) close to a small city (Bellingham), and Seattle is only an hour and half to two hours away - in the event we feel the need for some "metropolitan enlightenment."
But I have to say, the last couple of years, I've really been 'homesick', so to speak, for real - actual - seasons. 4 of them. Not the rainy season (which I love) and the not so rainy season of July and August (when I miss the rain) - but an actual spring, summer, autumn, and winter!
I'm hoping, more than anything, when I go back to Iowa the end of June for Shane and Megan's wedding, I get to experience a good window rattling thunderstorm and maybe even see a tornado skipping across the prairie - of course, away from all people, animals, and buildings! Okay, maybe that's not a good thing to hope to see, but I still want the thunderstorm.
However, I HAVE gotten acclimated to this region. It' a hot day if it's above 70 or 75. And the flowers here are just gorgeous because it doesn't get so hot that the colors fade and the plants get that tired look. May be a bit more of a challenge to grow really good tomatoes, but it CAN be done!
So, don't get me wrong. I'm certainly not sad that I live here. In fact, this is the first place I've ever lived where I didn't think there was some place better to be!
But yes, at the end of THIS day (not every day) but today, I really wish we had a little bit of snow.
Then, I'll be ready for spring!
Don't get me wrong, I LOVE living in Whatcom County. It's a beautiful place to live - if we feel like a day hike in the mountains, it's 45 minutes to an hour to get up to Mt. Baker. If we want the water, the sound is 10 to 15 minutes away and then we're paddling our kayaks off Gooseberry Point or Semihamoo. We live in a nice sized town (Ferndale) close to a small city (Bellingham), and Seattle is only an hour and half to two hours away - in the event we feel the need for some "metropolitan enlightenment."
But I have to say, the last couple of years, I've really been 'homesick', so to speak, for real - actual - seasons. 4 of them. Not the rainy season (which I love) and the not so rainy season of July and August (when I miss the rain) - but an actual spring, summer, autumn, and winter!
I'm hoping, more than anything, when I go back to Iowa the end of June for Shane and Megan's wedding, I get to experience a good window rattling thunderstorm and maybe even see a tornado skipping across the prairie - of course, away from all people, animals, and buildings! Okay, maybe that's not a good thing to hope to see, but I still want the thunderstorm.
However, I HAVE gotten acclimated to this region. It' a hot day if it's above 70 or 75. And the flowers here are just gorgeous because it doesn't get so hot that the colors fade and the plants get that tired look. May be a bit more of a challenge to grow really good tomatoes, but it CAN be done!
So, don't get me wrong. I'm certainly not sad that I live here. In fact, this is the first place I've ever lived where I didn't think there was some place better to be!
But yes, at the end of THIS day (not every day) but today, I really wish we had a little bit of snow.
Then, I'll be ready for spring!
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Routine
Dave is a "Mr. Fly by the Seat of your Pants" kind of guy.
He thinks planning and analyzing a situation to death are maddening. He thinks if something needs done, you just get up and do it. I know that's not bad, but that way of functioning is just plain scary to me. It can make me nauseous. Literally. Not joking.
According to practically every personality test I take, some for fun like the silly color profile in Better Homes and Gardens, some through work, like the DISC profile, and others just out of curiosity, like Meyer's Briggs, each one tells me that I am a routine oriented person. I take comfort in having a plan. And this is true.
I like to know what I'm going to have for dinner before I leave for work in the morning. I am nervous to go to the grocery store without a list. I am uncomfortable making a list without a menu. And I can't make a menu without knowing what's coming up on the calendar.
When I plan a vacation, such as the trip Dave and I took last spring, I research the areas we're going to be traveling through -- I take note of what's where and what it has to offer and does it fit into the schedule? I don't want to waste a moment of precious vacation time willy nillying around trying to decide what we want to do.
Right now, we're looking at curtains for the living room. I've spent hours comparing different colors, patterns, fabrics, styles - - all for the distinct intent of not going to the store and getting something just to have something to hang in front of the window because there's nothing there yet (expect plain blinds - we're not total exhibitionists).
Anyway, my point here is that I realize I need to learn to be a bit more flexible and while I'm totally convinced that my way of functioning is safe and responsible and probably right (hehe) - - it's not the only way.
This last week has been a testament to this. It started about 10 days ago when we kept Dayton after work on a Thursday. He wasn't feeling good. The next morning, Nicole wasn't able to leave him at daycare when she went to work because he had a fever - I had told her if he was sick to call me at work and I would be able to come home and keep him, and that's exactly what happened.
We also had him on Saturday, and again on Sunday from 6:30 in the morning until 9:40 that night. Monday - she had the day off, but Tommy and his friend came by with 4 loads of laundry and YES, I was ecstatic to see him! We watched Dayton on Tuesday, and we watched him Wednesday. Wednesday night, Emily and her boyfriend Casey stopped by to see Dayton, so Dave and I took advantage of their visit and washed AND dried AND put away the dishes! Thursday things were a bit different when Nicole worked at her 2nd part time job that lasts until 6:30. Dave stayed home and worked on a new garden bench he decided to build around the fire pit (no, not much planning involved - it's done and it looks great) while I went to Dave's sister Sandy's. Nicole was taking Dayton there because Sandy had her two granddaughters (Dayton's 2nd cousins) who are a little older and a little younger than Dayton, so they could all play together.
The point - - there was absolutely NO ROUTINE or anything planned out, except the play date with the girls, the entire week. Other than coming down with a cold, I survived. And it was fun.
I DID NOT, however, walk on the treadmill one single time. I wasn't able to wake up early enough to listen to more than about 5 minutes of any Joyce Meyer program that records every weekday - - my eating habits were atrocious - - mostly what I ate was Gerber snack food and frozen stuff from Schwann's. Thank God for a few fresh fruits and veggies. I didn't maintain my sleep routine and was in a walking coma for the greater part of the week.
And, I didn't make time to sit down and enter anything onto this blog since last Saturday!
However, those are just facts. In reality, Dave and I created so many fun memories this past week with Dayton. We feel good about giving Nicole the confidence she can depend on us, and yes, we ARE getting a schedule from her, now that she is going to school and working two part time jobs so that we CAN make a plan and put together a routine which is not only good for us, but good for Dayton as well. We love spending time with the little man and while I don't like to pass judgment, in general, yes, we ARE a better choice to keep him than anyone else.
I love being Nana - - and in being Nana, we have to form a happy marriage of routine and "flying by the seat of your pants"!
He thinks planning and analyzing a situation to death are maddening. He thinks if something needs done, you just get up and do it. I know that's not bad, but that way of functioning is just plain scary to me. It can make me nauseous. Literally. Not joking.
According to practically every personality test I take, some for fun like the silly color profile in Better Homes and Gardens, some through work, like the DISC profile, and others just out of curiosity, like Meyer's Briggs, each one tells me that I am a routine oriented person. I take comfort in having a plan. And this is true.
I like to know what I'm going to have for dinner before I leave for work in the morning. I am nervous to go to the grocery store without a list. I am uncomfortable making a list without a menu. And I can't make a menu without knowing what's coming up on the calendar.
When I plan a vacation, such as the trip Dave and I took last spring, I research the areas we're going to be traveling through -- I take note of what's where and what it has to offer and does it fit into the schedule? I don't want to waste a moment of precious vacation time willy nillying around trying to decide what we want to do.
Right now, we're looking at curtains for the living room. I've spent hours comparing different colors, patterns, fabrics, styles - - all for the distinct intent of not going to the store and getting something just to have something to hang in front of the window because there's nothing there yet (expect plain blinds - we're not total exhibitionists).
Anyway, my point here is that I realize I need to learn to be a bit more flexible and while I'm totally convinced that my way of functioning is safe and responsible and probably right (hehe) - - it's not the only way.
This last week has been a testament to this. It started about 10 days ago when we kept Dayton after work on a Thursday. He wasn't feeling good. The next morning, Nicole wasn't able to leave him at daycare when she went to work because he had a fever - I had told her if he was sick to call me at work and I would be able to come home and keep him, and that's exactly what happened.
We also had him on Saturday, and again on Sunday from 6:30 in the morning until 9:40 that night. Monday - she had the day off, but Tommy and his friend came by with 4 loads of laundry and YES, I was ecstatic to see him! We watched Dayton on Tuesday, and we watched him Wednesday. Wednesday night, Emily and her boyfriend Casey stopped by to see Dayton, so Dave and I took advantage of their visit and washed AND dried AND put away the dishes! Thursday things were a bit different when Nicole worked at her 2nd part time job that lasts until 6:30. Dave stayed home and worked on a new garden bench he decided to build around the fire pit (no, not much planning involved - it's done and it looks great) while I went to Dave's sister Sandy's. Nicole was taking Dayton there because Sandy had her two granddaughters (Dayton's 2nd cousins) who are a little older and a little younger than Dayton, so they could all play together.
The point - - there was absolutely NO ROUTINE or anything planned out, except the play date with the girls, the entire week. Other than coming down with a cold, I survived. And it was fun.
I DID NOT, however, walk on the treadmill one single time. I wasn't able to wake up early enough to listen to more than about 5 minutes of any Joyce Meyer program that records every weekday - - my eating habits were atrocious - - mostly what I ate was Gerber snack food and frozen stuff from Schwann's. Thank God for a few fresh fruits and veggies. I didn't maintain my sleep routine and was in a walking coma for the greater part of the week.
And, I didn't make time to sit down and enter anything onto this blog since last Saturday!
However, those are just facts. In reality, Dave and I created so many fun memories this past week with Dayton. We feel good about giving Nicole the confidence she can depend on us, and yes, we ARE getting a schedule from her, now that she is going to school and working two part time jobs so that we CAN make a plan and put together a routine which is not only good for us, but good for Dayton as well. We love spending time with the little man and while I don't like to pass judgment, in general, yes, we ARE a better choice to keep him than anyone else.
I love being Nana - - and in being Nana, we have to form a happy marriage of routine and "flying by the seat of your pants"!
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Putting on my Nana button!
Been a little busy this week - - all good - - Dave and I have had Dayton quite a bit. Nicole has started a part time job as a server at a retirement center, along with her part time job at Sear's and going to school. The girl's got her plate full and I'm glad we can help her out.
He stayed with us a couple of days during the week. Then, Friday morning I came home (how sad is this, I left around 8:30 and had still put in a little over two hours....) to watch Dayton since he had a fever (can't go to daycare with a fever). Silly me - - I'd thought, "Oh! An extra day at home. I can get a jump start on the weekend laundry and I can get some menus and grocery lists made up and..........." Needless to say, not much of that happened. Menu's and grocery lists - - not a chance. I did get some laundry done and ended up washing our sheets as well due to an unfortunate diaper incident. It was kind of funny later on while the bedding was in the laundry - - Dayton likes to lay in our bed and watch Winnie the Pooh. He decided it was Pooh time and there was nothing on the bed except the mattress. "Fits it nana, fits it" in his most pitiful begging voice ever.
And, not feeling well, his poor little voice was kind of pitiful yesterday.....he's usually easy going and if something doesn't go quite right, he'll move on to something else. But yesterday, it was just one meltdown after another. So, about ten/ten thirty in the morning, I logged into Pandora and found the Mandisa station, which also played a lot of relaxing music by Chris Tomlin, Casting Crowns, Mercy Me, and so on. I bundled him up in a blankie and we rocked and he cried. He cried for about 20 minutes and then he stopped, looked up at me and fell asleep and slept about two hours. I continued to rock him while he slept and except for the fact he was sick, it was wonderful to have that time with him.
When Dayton & I first walked in yesterday morning, he walked around the house and looked in every room and finally said "Nana, I tant fine my papa." So he was pretty happy when Papa walked in around 1:00, he'd had a nap, was feeling better - - and papa was home!
I have to say though, by the end of the day - I was exhausted. Happy, but exhausted. It was only 6:30, but I went straight from Nana mode to jammie time - I picked up my book and Dave brought me supper in bed - grilled cheese and tomato soup. Love that man!
Since we'll have him today and all day tomorrow (7 in the morning until 8:30 at night), we ran into Bellingham early to stock up on a few toddler items and were home before ten, vacuumed up a canister full of graham cracker crumbs and Annie's Cheddar Bunnies that had been ground into the carpet and we're ready to go again!
He stayed with us a couple of days during the week. Then, Friday morning I came home (how sad is this, I left around 8:30 and had still put in a little over two hours....) to watch Dayton since he had a fever (can't go to daycare with a fever). Silly me - - I'd thought, "Oh! An extra day at home. I can get a jump start on the weekend laundry and I can get some menus and grocery lists made up and..........." Needless to say, not much of that happened. Menu's and grocery lists - - not a chance. I did get some laundry done and ended up washing our sheets as well due to an unfortunate diaper incident. It was kind of funny later on while the bedding was in the laundry - - Dayton likes to lay in our bed and watch Winnie the Pooh. He decided it was Pooh time and there was nothing on the bed except the mattress. "Fits it nana, fits it" in his most pitiful begging voice ever.
And, not feeling well, his poor little voice was kind of pitiful yesterday.....he's usually easy going and if something doesn't go quite right, he'll move on to something else. But yesterday, it was just one meltdown after another. So, about ten/ten thirty in the morning, I logged into Pandora and found the Mandisa station, which also played a lot of relaxing music by Chris Tomlin, Casting Crowns, Mercy Me, and so on. I bundled him up in a blankie and we rocked and he cried. He cried for about 20 minutes and then he stopped, looked up at me and fell asleep and slept about two hours. I continued to rock him while he slept and except for the fact he was sick, it was wonderful to have that time with him.
When Dayton & I first walked in yesterday morning, he walked around the house and looked in every room and finally said "Nana, I tant fine my papa." So he was pretty happy when Papa walked in around 1:00, he'd had a nap, was feeling better - - and papa was home!
I have to say though, by the end of the day - I was exhausted. Happy, but exhausted. It was only 6:30, but I went straight from Nana mode to jammie time - I picked up my book and Dave brought me supper in bed - grilled cheese and tomato soup. Love that man!
Since we'll have him today and all day tomorrow (7 in the morning until 8:30 at night), we ran into Bellingham early to stock up on a few toddler items and were home before ten, vacuumed up a canister full of graham cracker crumbs and Annie's Cheddar Bunnies that had been ground into the carpet and we're ready to go again!
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Sponge Bob and Winnie the Pooh!
Okay, so, yes, the kids grew up and are on their own, However, the door DOES revolve and when it comes back around - in come grandkids!
And what a treat they are! I have two grandsons - one, I unfortunately, have never met other than through phone conversations. His name is Christopher and he lives in Lubbock, Tx. He is the step son of my oldest son, Jason. Christopher is in the 5th grade and is of course (I'm not lying - it's true!) intelligent, handsome, & witty! I WILL get to meet his this summer however - - I plan to surprise Jason on his 30th birthday with a visit! He doesn't know that yet, so mum's the word!!!!!!!! (He won't read this - he hates computers!) I'm so excited to get to spend time with Jason, Theresa, and Christopher! Jason started truck driving school in San Antonio this week (I think that's where he said it is), so I may have to alter my plan just a tad so I catch him at home, but yep - this summer - I'm Texas bound! I plan to spoil Christopher rotten! I know I probably shouldn't, but that's the plan. We've got several years to make up for!
Closer to home, Dave's daughter has a 2 1/2 year old son, Dayton. We watch him once or twice a week for a few hours when she's at work - - she goes to school and works AND has a happy little guy. It's amazing!
I'm really glad I saved some of Emily's and Tommy's toys and movies. The hot wheels cars and Winnie the Pooh movies have kept the little guy entertained on many visit! We have DVR'd a few Diego episodes and the other day, when Dayton WASN'T here, I caught Dave watching SpongeBob........he told me the remote was hung up, but I'm not so sure...
Grandkids are such a precious gift. Such a responsibility. What memories do I want to make for them? What is the legacy I want to leave them? And suddenly, here is the realization of why it's even more important to take care of me - - I can be there for them as long as possible!
I want memories, for myself as well for them, of baking cookies and planting flowers and vegetables and herbs and going for walks and playing on the playground and doing fun crafts and special traditions for holidays.
But most important, I want my grandsons (and maybe someday - granddaughters too) to know and remember that Nana had faith in God and trust in Jesus. I want them to know that Nana prayed for them. I hope to show them a faith that gives them unfaltering confidence in a God who loves them, even on the darkest of days.
This is an area where I cannot fail.
......red and yellow black and white,
they are precious in his sight.
Jesus loves the little children of the world!
And what a treat they are! I have two grandsons - one, I unfortunately, have never met other than through phone conversations. His name is Christopher and he lives in Lubbock, Tx. He is the step son of my oldest son, Jason. Christopher is in the 5th grade and is of course (I'm not lying - it's true!) intelligent, handsome, & witty! I WILL get to meet his this summer however - - I plan to surprise Jason on his 30th birthday with a visit! He doesn't know that yet, so mum's the word!!!!!!!! (He won't read this - he hates computers!) I'm so excited to get to spend time with Jason, Theresa, and Christopher! Jason started truck driving school in San Antonio this week (I think that's where he said it is), so I may have to alter my plan just a tad so I catch him at home, but yep - this summer - I'm Texas bound! I plan to spoil Christopher rotten! I know I probably shouldn't, but that's the plan. We've got several years to make up for!
Closer to home, Dave's daughter has a 2 1/2 year old son, Dayton. We watch him once or twice a week for a few hours when she's at work - - she goes to school and works AND has a happy little guy. It's amazing!
I'm really glad I saved some of Emily's and Tommy's toys and movies. The hot wheels cars and Winnie the Pooh movies have kept the little guy entertained on many visit! We have DVR'd a few Diego episodes and the other day, when Dayton WASN'T here, I caught Dave watching SpongeBob........he told me the remote was hung up, but I'm not so sure...
Grandkids are such a precious gift. Such a responsibility. What memories do I want to make for them? What is the legacy I want to leave them? And suddenly, here is the realization of why it's even more important to take care of me - - I can be there for them as long as possible!
I want memories, for myself as well for them, of baking cookies and planting flowers and vegetables and herbs and going for walks and playing on the playground and doing fun crafts and special traditions for holidays.
But most important, I want my grandsons (and maybe someday - granddaughters too) to know and remember that Nana had faith in God and trust in Jesus. I want them to know that Nana prayed for them. I hope to show them a faith that gives them unfaltering confidence in a God who loves them, even on the darkest of days.
This is an area where I cannot fail.
......red and yellow black and white,
they are precious in his sight.
Jesus loves the little children of the world!
Monday, February 7, 2011
New Year's Resolution
I went through a few photos early this morning to find a picture of Tommy when he was little that I could scan and e-mail to the Nooksack Valley annual staff.
That turned out to be the seed to start my New Year's Resolution - to get the pictures sorted by Easter.
I wanted to choose something do-able, but this might actually be more involved than I had anticipated! I've got three computer paper boxes in the movie pit (it used to be the garage, but Dave turned it into a family room several years ago, and since then, we've christened that room "the movie pit") - - anyway, I have three computer boxes in the movie pit and I'm honestly not sure how many are in plastic bins under the bed. And it's not all pictures - there are little mementos and such from all three kids......say a prayer for Dave, this might be pretty involved before it's completed! Anyway, I think I'll get up early on Saturday morning and dive into that.....
As far as my accountability - I walked for 30 minutes when I got home from work today. A mile and a half while I watched this mornings Joyce Meyer program.
Eating (uber) healthy is pretty easy to control when I cook, but Dave did the cooking this weekend - he cooks pretty healthy, but he uses more moderation and doesn't get as 'carried away' as I do with the healthy food, i.e. he's not afraid to eat white bread or pasta or add salt where some nights, I'm happy with a baked sweet potato. I try to implement portion control, but unfortunately, he's a pretty good cook, so, well, that plan doesn't always work out. Just being honest here. Tonight, I'm cooking - baked chicken, brown jasmine rice, and broccoli. I love baked chicken - a little olive oil, a little salt and pepper and into the oven!
Anyway - - I've done a little something for my body, I've nurtured my spirit a little, dinner is in the oven, and now, it's time to sit with Dave and nurture us!
That turned out to be the seed to start my New Year's Resolution - to get the pictures sorted by Easter.
I wanted to choose something do-able, but this might actually be more involved than I had anticipated! I've got three computer paper boxes in the movie pit (it used to be the garage, but Dave turned it into a family room several years ago, and since then, we've christened that room "the movie pit") - - anyway, I have three computer boxes in the movie pit and I'm honestly not sure how many are in plastic bins under the bed. And it's not all pictures - there are little mementos and such from all three kids......say a prayer for Dave, this might be pretty involved before it's completed! Anyway, I think I'll get up early on Saturday morning and dive into that.....
As far as my accountability - I walked for 30 minutes when I got home from work today. A mile and a half while I watched this mornings Joyce Meyer program.
Eating (uber) healthy is pretty easy to control when I cook, but Dave did the cooking this weekend - he cooks pretty healthy, but he uses more moderation and doesn't get as 'carried away' as I do with the healthy food, i.e. he's not afraid to eat white bread or pasta or add salt where some nights, I'm happy with a baked sweet potato. I try to implement portion control, but unfortunately, he's a pretty good cook, so, well, that plan doesn't always work out. Just being honest here. Tonight, I'm cooking - baked chicken, brown jasmine rice, and broccoli. I love baked chicken - a little olive oil, a little salt and pepper and into the oven!
Anyway - - I've done a little something for my body, I've nurtured my spirit a little, dinner is in the oven, and now, it's time to sit with Dave and nurture us!
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Identity Crises
So, back to the main reason for this blog. Who. Am. I? "They" say that when you're raising your family, you should always make time for yourself and nurture yourself, one of the reasons being, so you don't lose track of yourself.
All I can say is, what a fantasy!
Okay, I know it doesn't have to be, but that's the story I wrote for myself. And I managed to throw in a healthy dose of guilt, esp after I became a single parent - - working more than I should have been, trying to keep bills paid and make sure that not only basic needs were met, but that they had enough of the extras they didn't feel like social outcasts. And when Jason was in his elementary years, there was the guilt of not knowing how to manage time for him and his world and take care of two babies that were 17 months apart....
I always resented that I had to be a working mom - - I had to go to work when Tommy started kindergarten to pay tuition for two kids in Catholic school. Looking back, I'm glad they had that solid educational foundation, but at the time, I was pretty bitter about it.
So, I was bitter and angry and guilty that I didn't get to be the kind of mom that I had wanted to be. And I think because of that, I didn't feel like I really had the right to have space for "me".
But, I have to say, Emily set me straight on that this past summer. I had been having a pity party that I hadn't been a good enough mom and I hadn't been there enough for my kids, and Emily said "Mom, what's wrong with us? Didn't we turn out okay? When you say you weren't a good mom, it makes me feel like us kids have done something wrong or let you down."
Well, let me tell you, that was the slap and the jolt of reality I needed!
I have since some to realize that Satan likes to bring up things from our past and even distorts reality and likes to keep all those negative thoughts churning in our memory to keep us down and wants to prevent us from being effective TODAY.
I can't say I still don't have those thoughts and regrets, but at least now, I know where they're coming from and can squash them before they get me down.
My role and title as a person has changed so many times......I'm a daughter, but my parents are two time zones away, so what does that mean? I was a grand daughter, but my grandparents are in heaven, wife, mother, not a wife, Jason grew up.......ever and always changing.
You know how there are things that you know, that you've always known, but one day, finally when you're 48 years old, you get it!?
This is the title, or label, that is the end all to be all.
I am a child of God!
I am confident knowing I am a child of God!
I know, DUH!
However, that realization has given me so much peace and has given me permission to carry on and I now know it's not a selfish effort to explore my talents and interests.
Quite liberating! It's okay for me to be happy! I am a child of God! (AND I have amazing children!)
All I can say is, what a fantasy!
Okay, I know it doesn't have to be, but that's the story I wrote for myself. And I managed to throw in a healthy dose of guilt, esp after I became a single parent - - working more than I should have been, trying to keep bills paid and make sure that not only basic needs were met, but that they had enough of the extras they didn't feel like social outcasts. And when Jason was in his elementary years, there was the guilt of not knowing how to manage time for him and his world and take care of two babies that were 17 months apart....
I always resented that I had to be a working mom - - I had to go to work when Tommy started kindergarten to pay tuition for two kids in Catholic school. Looking back, I'm glad they had that solid educational foundation, but at the time, I was pretty bitter about it.
So, I was bitter and angry and guilty that I didn't get to be the kind of mom that I had wanted to be. And I think because of that, I didn't feel like I really had the right to have space for "me".
But, I have to say, Emily set me straight on that this past summer. I had been having a pity party that I hadn't been a good enough mom and I hadn't been there enough for my kids, and Emily said "Mom, what's wrong with us? Didn't we turn out okay? When you say you weren't a good mom, it makes me feel like us kids have done something wrong or let you down."
Well, let me tell you, that was the slap and the jolt of reality I needed!
I have since some to realize that Satan likes to bring up things from our past and even distorts reality and likes to keep all those negative thoughts churning in our memory to keep us down and wants to prevent us from being effective TODAY.
I can't say I still don't have those thoughts and regrets, but at least now, I know where they're coming from and can squash them before they get me down.
My role and title as a person has changed so many times......I'm a daughter, but my parents are two time zones away, so what does that mean? I was a grand daughter, but my grandparents are in heaven, wife, mother, not a wife, Jason grew up.......ever and always changing.
You know how there are things that you know, that you've always known, but one day, finally when you're 48 years old, you get it!?
This is the title, or label, that is the end all to be all.
I am a child of God!
I am confident knowing I am a child of God!
I know, DUH!
However, that realization has given me so much peace and has given me permission to carry on and I now know it's not a selfish effort to explore my talents and interests.
Quite liberating! It's okay for me to be happy! I am a child of God! (AND I have amazing children!)
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Playing with the set up....
One of my hobbies/interests is rearranging and playing with colors and patterns whatnot and this blog a perfect place to play with that! I could spend thousands of dollars on the house switching out lighting, window treatments, furniture, flooring, paint colors, artwork, etc. in this delightful home I live in, just to have some time with each and every idea that forms in my head, but, that's not so practical! So, with the creation of this blog, I'm able to use this blog as an outlet and I've spent quite abit of time since my last post exploring the options presented! - - thus far, there's really only one thing I'm not happy with and I'm not sure how to change - - and that's the Title Color. I want it to be the same color as the text, but for some reason, there's no option for that.....only the font style. hhhmmmm......I foresee a little (or a lot!) more experimenting!
Turning this house from "Dave's house" into "our home" has been a bit of a journey in itself. It was hard to move into a house that he had not only spent the last 15 or so years but had also built, and then "BOOM!" here I come with my stuff! He was great about it, the issue was more in my head than with him - - I didn't want to 'force him out', but I didn't want to lose myself - - at it turns out, even though we have a lot of different decorating ideas, we have many ideas that are the same, and we've been successful in turning this into "our home", and I don't think either one of us are compromising.
The next step is the evolvement of the yard, - - but, that's going to be for another blog!
I'm also working on improving my health - I know, I know, aren't we all? I'm trying to shop the perimeter of the store - - my main goal with food right now is just trying to eat things as close to the way God made them as possible. Shopping organic really isn't much more expensive it you do it that way - - the prepared food is astronomical, but if you stick to the produce and the meat, I really don't see that my grocery spending has gone up.
However, I love love love to cook. I'm a pretty good cook. (And Dave is a fantastic cook as well!) My two favorite chefs are Giada and Ina. . . so, when I use their recipes, I try to make them as healthy as possible. And when I make the things that might not be so healthy, I share so there aren't too many leftovers!
Dave and I now have a treadmill (thanks to friends who were upgrading). I love it! It has a little LED 'track' on the control panel. I'm visual. One mile means nothing to me, but I understand 4 laps around the track!
One of my motivators for walking is that I record Joyce Meyer on the DVR while I'm at work. I walk 30 minutes and hear her daily inspirations and it keeps me mentally and spiritually focused on what's really important in life......I (and Dave too) like to keep drama to a minimum - - so, the more positive stuff I put in my head, the more I'm able to focus on good things and the less on the "peripherals of life" that are inevitable.
And so, to wrap this up on a Saturday, the three things on today's agenda are to paint the last wall in the kitchen (we started that last weekend), Dave will put up a new light fixture above the sink, and grocery shopping!
Turning this house from "Dave's house" into "our home" has been a bit of a journey in itself. It was hard to move into a house that he had not only spent the last 15 or so years but had also built, and then "BOOM!" here I come with my stuff! He was great about it, the issue was more in my head than with him - - I didn't want to 'force him out', but I didn't want to lose myself - - at it turns out, even though we have a lot of different decorating ideas, we have many ideas that are the same, and we've been successful in turning this into "our home", and I don't think either one of us are compromising.
The next step is the evolvement of the yard, - - but, that's going to be for another blog!
I'm also working on improving my health - I know, I know, aren't we all? I'm trying to shop the perimeter of the store - - my main goal with food right now is just trying to eat things as close to the way God made them as possible. Shopping organic really isn't much more expensive it you do it that way - - the prepared food is astronomical, but if you stick to the produce and the meat, I really don't see that my grocery spending has gone up.
However, I love love love to cook. I'm a pretty good cook. (And Dave is a fantastic cook as well!) My two favorite chefs are Giada and Ina. . . so, when I use their recipes, I try to make them as healthy as possible. And when I make the things that might not be so healthy, I share so there aren't too many leftovers!
Dave and I now have a treadmill (thanks to friends who were upgrading). I love it! It has a little LED 'track' on the control panel. I'm visual. One mile means nothing to me, but I understand 4 laps around the track!
One of my motivators for walking is that I record Joyce Meyer on the DVR while I'm at work. I walk 30 minutes and hear her daily inspirations and it keeps me mentally and spiritually focused on what's really important in life......I (and Dave too) like to keep drama to a minimum - - so, the more positive stuff I put in my head, the more I'm able to focus on good things and the less on the "peripherals of life" that are inevitable.
And so, to wrap this up on a Saturday, the three things on today's agenda are to paint the last wall in the kitchen (we started that last weekend), Dave will put up a new light fixture above the sink, and grocery shopping!
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Testing - Testing - One, Two, Three Testing
Okay, so I've been thinking for awhile about starting a blog. Mostly, because I have ADD and I have thousands of thoughts in my head all the time, and thought it might be nice to get some of them out of my system so I don't drive poor Dave crazy having to hear everything that's bouncing around between my ears!
Also, I thought it might be good to have some accountability for some of the changes I'm working on incorporating into my life.
And, I guess I'm expanding my horizons here by actually getting this together and trying to figure out all the options and how to put this thing together and personalize it and familiarize myself with with this new world I've just entered!
So, this is it. My first post. I have no idea if it's going to 'take'. And, since Dave is putting dinner on at this very moment, well, here goes..............!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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