Identity Crises

So, back to the main reason for this blog.  Who. Am. I?  "They" say that when you're raising your family, you should always make time for yourself and nurture yourself, one of the reasons being, so you don't lose track of yourself.  
All I can say is, what a fantasy!  
Okay, I know it doesn't have to be, but that's the story I wrote for myself.  And I managed to throw in a healthy dose of guilt, esp after I became a single parent - - working more than I should have been, trying to keep bills paid and make sure that not only basic needs were met, but that they had enough of the extras they didn't feel like social outcasts.  And when Jason was in his elementary years, there was the guilt of not knowing how to manage time for him and his world and take care of two babies that were 17 months apart....
I always resented that I had to be a working mom - - I had to go to work when Tommy started kindergarten to pay tuition for two kids in Catholic school.  Looking back, I'm glad they had that solid educational foundation, but at the time, I was pretty bitter about it.
So, I was bitter and angry and guilty that I didn't get to be the kind of mom that I had wanted to be.  And I think because of that, I didn't feel like I really had the right to have space for "me".
But, I have to say, Emily set me straight on that this past summer.  I had been having a pity party that I hadn't been a good enough mom and I hadn't been there enough for my kids, and Emily said "Mom,  what's wrong with us? Didn't we turn out okay?  When you say you weren't a good mom, it makes me feel like us kids have done something wrong or let you down."
Well, let me tell you, that was the slap and the jolt of reality I needed!
I have since some to realize that Satan likes to bring up things from our past and even distorts reality and likes to keep all those negative thoughts churning in our memory to keep us down and wants to prevent us from being effective TODAY.  
I can't say I still don't have those thoughts and regrets, but at least now, I know where they're coming from and can squash them before they get me down.
My role and title as a person has changed so many times......I'm a daughter, but my parents are two time zones away, so what does that mean?  I was a grand daughter, but my grandparents are in heaven, wife, mother, not a wife, Jason grew up.......ever and always changing.  
You know how there are things that you know, that you've always known, but one day, finally when you're 48 years old, you get it!?  
This is the title, or label, that is the end all to be all.  
I am a child of God!  
I am confident knowing I am a child of God!
I know, DUH!
However, that realization has given me so much peace and has given me permission to carry on and I now know it's not a selfish effort to explore my talents and interests.
Quite liberating!  It's okay for me to be happy!  I am a child of God!  (AND I have amazing children!)